The Family Happenings: July 2011

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Remembering

Scene from our kitchen table this morning. Reese was playing with play-doh and cookie cutters - while I was on the phone. She pulled out an angel cookie cutter (random assortment of remaining Holiday material) and all of a sudden asked...

R: Mama T where is your mommy?
Me: Did the angel make you think of my mommy?
R: No
Me: My mommy is not alive any more. She got very sick and died before you were born.
R: Why did she get sick?
Me: I wish I knew, but I don't know Reese.
R: Do you miss her?
Me: With all of my heart.
R: Did you love her?
Me: Of course I did, with everything I am. She was an amazing lady. Did you know you were named after her?
R: No- but that's cool.

Few minutes pass.

R: What do you think she is driving?
We finally came to the conclusion that my mom is driving a convertible cloud car (similar to the care bear cloud) that has rainbows coming out of it.

I think she would like that idea.

August is just around the corner, and the annual marking of her passing is quickly approaching. It's hard to believe that she has been gone for so long, and there there are moments. Moments where she feels like she is right here with me - talking to me and reminding me of all the beauty and good that life has to bring. And that she existed. She is not a dream, but a very real part of who I am and who my children are. I try to not feel sad or envious if what they missed out on, but celebrate how much she gave me to and gave them. But still, there are days... i miss her.

We have been finalizing all of the kids Hebrew names. We are joining the local synagogue and thought that this would be an occasion for a naming ceremony. I did not know that Devorah means "bee keeper" in Hebrew - seems appropriate. Mom always was the Queen Bee.

There have been many messages lately. I don't know what they all mean, or maybe it is just mom trying to telling me that when we pass - we all get our own cloud car.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Excitement

Last week sometime we brought out the pump. We were talking about beginning to pump to get Freya on the bottle some of the time, and allow Melissa some freedom.

Tanner and Reese were so fascinated by the pump, and either of us really understood it. They talked about all the pieces, how it worked and even tried demonstrating how it would work on themselves.

Yesterday was the big day, Melissa pumped for the first time. She had an audience of little people with their little chairs pulled up for a front row seat. It wasn't until that time that we finally understood...with pumping they would be allowed to feed 'their' baby!

The four ounces pumped were liquid gold, not only for Freya but in the excitement it contained for Tanner and Reese. They were over the moon.

So yesterday afternoon for the first time, they got to feed their sister. They sat and talked to her, and stroked her head while she drank her bottle for the first time.

pictures to come soon, but it was pretty great.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Tanner-ism

Boys vs. girls.

With girls its about princesses and dolphins, horses and fairies. There have been countless books and conversations about girls and how they get engulfed by pink and and tutu's.

With boys, with Tanner lately it's about guns. Well any weaponry really. The boy is obsessed with playing guns, swords and other such forms of warfare. I have had to take a zen approach to this fascination for him. I kind of put it on par with Reese and her need for fairies. The more I fight this, the more it will appeal to him. The only difference is that guns...well they can be real. (I'm not saying fairies aren't real...I do believe, I do)

I have tried to talk to Tanner a bit about guns, and how they can hurt people (big, hospital owies) and while they can be fun, some people are scared of guns.

The other day Tanner was playing his gun games and I started to remind me about the dangers of guns when he responds to me..."Mom my gun only shoots love, it's not scary!"

You got to love that kid...